Today was BEAUTIFUL! Spring is starting to sprung! And as you know, year after year the warm breeze of spring rides in on unicorn drawn chariots. No other creature can produce the warmth, color, and magic of spring like the majestic unicorn.
Unicorns blood is made of rainbows. Seriously. And they shit glitter. And cry whiskey. See:
Eating unicorn meat is thought to give you super powers, but actually, it kills you. Unless of course, that specific unicorn has given you permission to eat it. Then you will never die, become immune to carbs, and shit glitter.
One of my favorite breeds of unicorn is the elusive Unicone. Sadly, Mr. Tastee commissioned poachers have damn near killed them all! They usually remain invisible to humans and have developed laser death rays that shoot out of their eyes.
The most common unicorn in the FuckUnicorn. I actually own a teacup version of this breed. I carry it around with me in a little pink bag meant for small dogs.
THANK YOUNICORNS FOR SPRING!!