Monday, February 28, 2011


I'm in on of those slumps where I can't catch a break. Murphy's Law to the MAX! So much so that I have been avoiding crossing the road and using sharp objects, as I am certain they will lead to an unpleasant, embarrassing, painful end. Something so absurd and unheard of, that it will be on the news. I fucking hate the news. Universe, I'm saying it out loud: you, me, and everyone we know needs to take mutha fuckin CHILL PILL!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Just a Bag of Bones.

I would like this very much. So the murderer in the woods can make the stabs quick and to the point. And so the handsome doctor who saves me knows what he is dealing with when he performs a lifesaving makeshift campfire surgery.

I do not want the Asian man in mine.

Friday, February 25, 2011


Shit's about to get real! I'm on a dollar bill/penny real!
I don't know what that means, but you should come!
Arlene's Grocery @ 10:30

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Unconditional LOVE!

He LOVES me so much his favorite sleep spot (when not between Sweetheart and me) is atop the dirty clothes. True LOVE!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Saturday, February 19, 2011

My Quidditch Nickname.

A busty babe that can kick your ass. Obvi.
Don't make her angry. You won't like her when she's angry.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Watch your back, edamame, you are about to get a-salted!
I will 'tee hee' with joy every single time I get to pop a salty cap in* a delicious meal's ass!

*Real conversation between Sweetheart and me while writing this blog.
Me: Now, do you pop a cap in someone's ass or on someone's ass.
Sweetheart: I pop a cap in yo ass.
Me: So, in? You pop caps in someone's ass?
Sweetheart: Yes. Wait. Why?!

Tiny Soul-mate.

Soul-mates come in all forms. Some more adorable than others.

Animals Like Each Other Despite Their Differences. Catch Up, Humans!

Monday, February 14, 2011

My Other Half.


(Well, I loved you a little easier before that big fight a few days ago. Nonetheless, I do. Now be a man and buy me make-up presents! Good ones. I have bags under my eyes named after you.)


He said, "I think we should see other people."
I said, "Are you positive? Cause I am!"


Sunday, February 13, 2011


I thought I was the only famous fairy princess poptart whose favorite movie is Cocoon. Gaga and I really do have a lot in common.

I think her... uhm... friends? slaves? minions?... are wearing outfits made out of SCOBY (symbiotic colony of bacteria and yeast). Raw meat is SO 2010. See, more stuff in common. We are both brewing kombucha for the purpose of fashioning androgynous bodysuits for our gurney drivers. We're gonna be best friends!

Finger Flowers.

With all the snow and gloom, sometimes you gotta paint flowers on your fingernails!

Saturday, February 12, 2011


I think I have found my perfect tattoo...

Great idea or the greatest idea?

Homemade Thin Mints

Just as good, if not a little better (due the the extra LOVE I threw in), as the real ones!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Meta Fashion.

I got a new Betsey Johnson. See, it's a Marilyn dress with Marilyn all over it. I'm in LOVE!

Subway grates, consider yourselves warned.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Lovers Snowy Adventure.

Babe, pretend it's my junk.

Babe, would you like me better if I were Crasian?

3rd Rock from the Haters

I believed you were a beautiful hunk of man meat from the very beginning. And I've got my freshman year in high school diary to prove it! Do you want to be my boyfriend?

10 Things I Hate About You:
1. You are short.
2. I got caught polishing the pearl at least twice by my mom because of you.
3. Your name is hard to spell.
4. You kissed Zooey.
5. The tall brassy blonde in your life is Kristen Johnston, not Erin McCarson.
6. You frenched Alex Mack! Jealous!
7. You FRENCHED Alex Mack! Super Jealous.
8. You knew Health Ledger. Alive.
9. I don't have your phone number so we can text playfully throughout the day.

I ran into him on the street a while back. Truth be told, he was tiny! But very handsome. Tit level will do just fine. Joseph G-L, you are adorbs!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Monday, February 7, 2011


Meet Huckleberry Dinosaur and Oscar Bobcat. In spirit, Oliver Unicorn.

Sadly, tonight is Huck's last night at our apartment. He will be moving to a new home. I feel very sad. Oscar is his best friend, father, brother, and mentor. Huck loves Oscar too much and can't wait to cuddle him while they cat nap. Not only is he gonna be alone, but learning a new home, too. Oscar lost his brother Oliver and is now losing his little Huck, too. Is he going to feel like every fellow kitty will go away one day? I just feel very sad for them. Maybe I am giving them human emotions and I shouldn't because they are, well, cats. I think they understand more than we give them credit for. They have smart souls.

The silver lining? A new kitten!


Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Month of LOVE!

This month will be dedicated to LOVE. In all its shapes and sizes!