Thursday, November 25, 2010

Cornucopia of LOVE.

Feasting, celebrating, and being thankful for my life with Mom, Dad, Brother Bear, Sweetheart, Dr. Evil Pie Maker, and Brother from another Mother. Surrounded with love! And food.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Day 1: Luthers, Pee-Wee, 90's R&B Groups, and Blackman!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

It's So Hard...

When you're rich and famous you are the dominant force in a relationship, even if you try hard not to be. I've talked of sacrificing everything for Fleetwood Mac, but I realize now that it is simply the only thing I've ever wanted to do.
-Stevie Nicks

Sing it, Siren Sister! Being an artist person is hard. It's what I eat, sleep, breathe, preach, and love the most. Sometimes it makes everything else confusing and hard and complicated. I just want to do what I love always! You know?

Monday, November 22, 2010

Kitty Thoughts

I have an ongoing computer post-it on my desktop of things I want to blog about. I have been known to get too busy, causing me to backblog, but I want to remember what I intended to blog about that day.
Today I came home to a post-it my cat typed. I thought it would be rude not to, well, post it.
So, my cat's blog:


Thursday, November 18, 2010

My Hallows Are Deathly

Sweetheart and I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. At midnight. Opening day. It was so good! Scary and dark and fast paced. I loved it!

My only complaint is that I have to wait so long to see the conclusion. And that there weren't more enthusiastic superfans at the Astoria theater. We did get recognized for being on the NY quidditch team. That was fun.

My Hermione crush is huge. Like Harry's new 9 1/2 inch wand. Yum.

I knew I would lose my heart with Hedwig and Dobby, but I was still taken aback with sadness. To be fair, I may be a little too tenderhearted. The 10 year old I babysit won't go see movies with me anymore because i wept through Hotel for Dogs. It's just that those dogs overcame so much and just wanted to be loved and don't we all...

Potter. Right. Bellatrix was horribly wonderful. I want to spend 7 minutes in the dungeon with Snape and Voldomort, and Hermione... did I mention how pretty she is?!

Go see it. And, if you haven't yet, for God's sake, read the damn books. Son of a muggle! I know, I know... just do it. You will like it.

Lily White Gangsta

Now, the terribly terrible part of the weekend. Saturday night, after all day Quidditching, Sweetheart and I went to the Bronx for his Mami's birthday. We headed home late, taking a cab from the Bronx to 125th on the east side. There, we can catch the M60 bus right over the Triborough Bridge (literally, one stop) and be home. If the cab crosses the bridge, they charge you the toll there and back, and more just to be dicks, making your cab ride jump from $20 something to $40-$50 something. So, the bus is the best option. We are poor.

We were at the bus stop around 2 or 3 in the morning. Sure, it's late. And sure, it's Spanish Harlem... but it's not bad. And the stop is in front of a super well lit 24 hour grocery. And lots of traffic and people. And we have done it many times.

We were in the middle of the block. To our right was an empty corner. To the left was a busy intersection where all the cabs were turning.

Since it was late, the bus wasn't running as frequently. This was terrible. We were exhausted and cold. Then lots of sirens started happening. Police cars were rushing around, but we couldn't see where. I started to feel funny, but just chalked it up to exhaustion.

Then people started gathering at the empty end of the block. I assumed it was an evacuation from a fire. You know, sirens and a sudden mob of people. I almost walked down there to see if it was a fire. I figured it would make me feel better if I confirmed the sirens purpose.

Next, some teenage girls across the street were acting weird. These teen boys right across from us (who I had given the judgemental stink eye because I assumed they were hoodlums) were telling them to 'go' and 'get out of here' and the girls were resisting and rushing to go at the same time. Weird.

We decided we couldn't wait any longer and we should just walk up to the busy intersection to get a cab. Just as we started walking, pops started happening. I thought it was a car backfiring, but it kept happening. 'Oh, this is what gunshots sound like!' I suppose I had only ever heard them from afar during hunting season in North Carolina. It sounds different. Once this clicked in my head, I made the fight or flight decision to run behind the grocery store. A large scary man stopped me an said, 'They are shooting over here. Get in my van.'

The kids across the street (that's right, the hoodlums) were shooting into the crowd of people down the block. The crowd I almost walked into. Right by where we were standing 10 seconds before.

Suddenly my brain had a chance to rationalize the situation. I looked up and saw people running into the traffic of the busy intersection. I froze when I realized my options were to Frogger through traffic, run towards the gunshots, or get into a large scary strangers rape murder van. I stood there and turned in circles for at least forever (probably a few seconds). Finally, Sweetheart pulled me to the van and told me to get in.

Sweetheart later told me he had recognized the man. He always parks there to give people a ride home once they have their groceries. I did not know this. Stranger danger.

I told the man to take us home. I didn't care the cost. We crossed the bridge and got out right off the exit. As I still wasn't sure if he was going to kill us or not, as soon as I got one foot on the ground I had a full out panic attack.

Sweetheart, from the Bronx, tried to tell me it wasn't a big deal and we were safe and he wouldn't let anything happen to me. I gently wailed that I was not ok with that happening, I do not want it to be normal to me, and I will need grabbed and thrown to safety should it ever happen again.

I still feel very weird about the whole ordeal. I mean, really? A gun fight? Fuck NO!

We are safe. We will not be going to that bus stop for a little while. Because it's terrifying.

And my street cred has shot (errr... uhm. yeah.) though the roof. Gangsta, and whatnot.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


Last weekend was the Quidditch World Cup. The Badassilisks, the only community team, played very well. We beat U of Toronto and East Michigan. Texas A&M beat us. Hard. I started two out of the three tournament games on Saturday. Sweetheart and I were nicknamed 'The Enforcers' and 'The Tanks' by the announcers. I played chaser and beater. I even scored!

Take that kids who picked me last in PE class! How many World Cups have you played in? Not counting the 'World I Stayed In My Small Town And Never Miss A High School Football Game Even Though I'm 30 Cup'. Yeah! Suck it.

There was stretching. That's me!

There were magical superfans.

And we looked cute. Really the whole point of the game!

Although there was some sort of 'miscalculation' and we were kicked out of the bracket for the second day (the bracket that at the start of the day we were in), we enjoyed several scrimmages Sunday. And won them all! And our Seeker (what Harry Potter was) was undefeated, catching the Snitch every match! I couldn't be more proud of our little team that could! We surprised everyone and kicked some ass!


Monday, November 15, 2010

A Picture is Worth a Decade!

My #1 choice of picture I want to send in for my 10 year high school reunion theoretical slideshow. No explaination included. I think it gives a clear idea as to what I have been up to the past 10 years.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

I Wonder, Woman.

"This is my work uniform. Yeah, no, I can't really talk about what I do. I mean, I've seen some pretty crazy shit. A lot of people could get hurt if I were to tell you. I mean, it's not your average job. It's... special. Oh shit, you promise you won't tell? No, I can't. Ok, you talked me into it. But don't tell anyone. I'm Wonder Woman. Seriously. See, that's why I'm wearing the headband."

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Friday, November 12, 2010

I Believe I Can Soar.

So many things. Mainly, the fact that it says SPREAD with an arrow pointing down to my ladypart region. Classy.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

A Girl's Best Friend

The cat lady connotations, the fact that neither of us are looking at the lens, the blurry pixelation, the nod to Lisa Frank frame...

'After high school, I began rescuing cats. To date, I have brought 723 cats into my house, named them, and nursed them back to health. This is Allistair Gustus. I have found new homes for 587 of them. The rest live with me in my renovated basement apartment. Stop in and visit. You remember where my parents live, right? Yeah, totally. I live in their basement. Isn't that cool?'

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

10 Years Later, Who Are You?

Kirk Mason, 'Kirky', is one of my favorite people in the whole world. If I had to pick someone to be stuck in a horrible or good or sad or happy or challenging or funny situation with, one that had no foreseeable end, I would totally ask him to come with me! We share very similar backgrounds, brains, senses of humor, ideas, and beliefs. We help each other find perspective. We have young clean hearts. We play. He makes me laugh.

We both had 10 year high school reunions this year. His class was asked to send in pictures for slide shows depicting what you have been up to for the past 10 years and where you are now.

(My class didn't do this. Some of the boys club that stayed in NC played golf. We had gross food and no DJ. I was one of the 5 people who danced to the ipod. Apparently my parents 30 year high school reunion the same weekend was more hip.)

(Furthermore, I found the whole reunion to be less than I had imagined it to be. Partially because of the boys club friendly planning and general disinterest of the attendees, but also I blame Facebook. No one was truly excited to see their long lost classmates or surprised by what they were doing with their lives. It's like, 'Oh hey, I read on Facebook last week that you made a sandwich. How was it?')

Anyhow, Kirk and I were trying to come up with some really perfect trashy fun pictures we could send in for our reunion slide shows (well, my theoretical slide show). I thought I would share a few of my top choices over the next few posts. I think they would really be special featured in my theoretical 'Where Are They Now' 10 Year Reunion Slide show. People with their kids and weddings and ARMY adventures and car repairs and poorly composed vacation shots...

And me!

'Since high school, I've really been interested in finding the strength to stand up to my inner demons and overcome the power they have over me. And bears.'

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

A Day on Set

Today I shot a movie. It's called Tasteless. I play Amelia.

I played with Ryan McDonough (actor), Lori Fischer (screenwriter), Joseph Gannascoli (actor), Sean Gannet (director), Ashley Wren Collins (producer).
Yeah, he's the Sopranos guy. Making him the second Sopranos guy with whom I have worked on a project. The other was Bobby Funaro in Fuckplays. I adore Bobby! I even relayed coded messages to Joe and Bobby from each other. I might be in the mafia, now. I'm not sure. Probably.

Nancy Opel was also in my scene. She's hilarious. And likes to cry on cue. She's Tony Nominated.
Well, Nancy, my dad, Tony, nominates me quite often as the biggest pain in his wallet in the whole wide world. Looks like we are both Tony nominees. Let's toast tiny tea mugs and laugh smugly!

And, finally, April the Top Model. Tall, thin, beautiful...

But it seems only one of us found our light and nailed the shoot.

Holla at me, Tyra! This smize ain't free!

This snarky recap is all in good fun, of course! I had a great time on set, everyone was super professional and efficient. I hope to work with this lovely team again in the future!

Monday, November 8, 2010


I knew I loved him August 2006. Then his crazy ex tried to kill me and he disappeared. He remembered that he missed me July 2009. I mean, who is a better catch than a sugary Southern sweet potty mouth rock star actor artist mother figure athlete funny pretty girl?! No one! Lucky bastard! November 2010, still kickin' it, love style!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

My Trusty Steed

This is a picture of my bicycle. Her name is Swiftwind. We go on adventures. She has a crate on her back. To carry home our treasures. She was a gift from Sweetheart. He knew I would love her. And I do. She's perfect!
Pee-wee: I wouldn't sell my bike for all the money in the world. Not for a hundred million, trillion, billion dollars!
Francis: Then you're crazy!
Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?
Francis: You're a nerd!
Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?
Francis: You're an idiot!
Pee-wee: I know you are but what am I?
Pee-Wee, Francis: I know you are but what am I? I know you are but what am I? I know you are but what am I?
Pee-wee: Infinity!
Francis: No, I'm not.
Francis, Pee-Wee: You are! No way! Knock it off! Cut it out!
Francis: Shut up, Pee-wee!
Pee-wee: Why don't you make me.
Francis: You make me!
Pee-wee: Because. I don't make monkeys, I just train 'em.
Francis: Pee-wee listen to reason.
[Pee-Wee cuffs his hand around his ear in a listening motion]
Francis: Pee-wee!
Pee-wee: Sh! I'm listening to reason.
Francis: Pee-wee!
Pee-wee: That's my name, don't wear it out.
Francis: Remember the first time I saw your bike? You came riding past my house and I came running out to tell you how much I liked it even way back then?
Pee-wee: I love that story.
[jumps on bike and pedals away]
Francis: You'll be sorry, Pee-wee Herman!

Saturday, November 6, 2010


I play Quidditch. I am a New York Badassilisk.

We have brooms. Sadly, they don't fly. But we have them. And there are quaffles and bludgers and hoops and capes. I am a beater first, a chaser second. Basically, I can't always catch you, so I knock you down and steal your ball. BOOM!

The snitch is a cross country sprinter, dressed in all gold, with a tennis ball in a tube sock tucked into the back of their pants. The snitch has no rules. They can leave the pitch, steal your bike, and climb a tree. Catching the snitch ends the game. A seeker for each team (Someone that really enjoys running. Like, for fun. Gross.) chases the snitch.

We have our first, and only game before the Quidditch World Cup, today against NYU. I don't really know if we are up to par. I mean, we haven't actually played anyone yet. But I'm excited at the idea of being World Cup Champions!!

And, after searching the entire city, I found an amazing broom. Well see, my first broom has snapped, like, three times. Duct taping it back together has stopped working. So, yeah. I'm really effing excited about a broom!

Suck it! Sweep it? Go team!

Friday, November 5, 2010

LA Face with an Oakland Booty

My butt is big...

And thanks to dancing and playing sports my whole life, stronger than anyone else's booty I know. I can snap pencils with it, bounce quarters off it, and use it to box out anyone in any sport. It looks good in everything from pin-up pencil skirts to urban gurrrl jeans. My boyfriend thinks my apple bottom is awesome. It's perfectly proportioned to my brick house bosom and finishes out my buxom coke bottle figure perfectly. I have a sprig of mistletoe, topped with a delicate pink bow, tattooed on the lower part of my right cheek, inviting you to kiss it.

You know, Nike, I'm still not super excited about your sweatshops, but I appreciate this ad very much!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

I Pick You!

My Brother Bear wants this. I gotta say, it is pretty nifty. You can make your very own highfalutin guitar picks. This would significantly reduce my Christmas shopping list!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Pocket Pachyderm

Want. Need. Must have.
But a real elephant. That is this size.
That snuggles with the kitties.
And picks up my pencil in its trunk when I drop it.
And steps on peanuts to crack them.
And falls down when it sneezes.
And likes to sneak up on you and tug your toe.
And looks cute when dressed as a hamster or a hermit crab or an elf.
And pulls at the sheets and makes tiny exasperated elephant noises when it wants to sleep on your pillow next to you.

Tiny elephant will use the litter box, behave when going on trips in his tiny elephant travel bag, and provide countless hours of happiness for children with cancer and forgotten old people. I'm in love.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


This combines my two favorite foods. I like that. Picture a couple atop the bun. I'm looking at you, some-time-in-the-future Wedding Cake!

Monday, November 1, 2010

I Don't Care! I'll Pull Down My Underwear!

I didn't have a single one of these delicious treats this year! And they are my favorite! I went to drug stores and grocery store today for the sale bags. Nope! None for me. LAME.

If you have any laying around, please send to:
Erin McCarson
24-50 28th St #6
Astoria, NY 11102

I will also accept love letters.