I'm Not Loving It.

A few days ago, I got really REALLY pissed at Time Warner (because they are a rude, blood sucking, monopoly with stupid employees with bad attitudes), and canceled our service.

Direct TV is awesome.

We are still waiting on our new Verizon powered internet.

I tried to hook up my computer to a human-size hamster wheel, a phone jack, and a candle, but it didn't make internet. So I wait.

I am at a McDonald's right now for McWiFi. I have witnessed 3 fights involving the same drunk homeless man, the cops coming, an employee who shit in the bathroom for 42 minutes while the security man beat on the door (he thought he died) and a long line of angry customer formed, a gang of teenagers knock things over, and lots of questionable characters eating the Fish Filet special. I think they are only playing Taylor Swift and John Mayer songs.

This is what it must have been like in the old days!

A Fool for this Bag!

My dream bag in the Chanel classic 2.55. Large, double flap, gold hardware, please.

And I want it made out of beef jerky.

APRIL FOOLS, SUCKERS!!

I want it filled with beef jerky! Made of lamb.

Big Mac

Cause, see, my name is McCarson. Big Mac. No? Ok.

I have been coveting this dress for weeks. I have the picture, among other things I covet, saved on my desktop. Today, my dear friend Mametastic posted it on my facebook and said we needed them. I take this as a sign from the Universe (and Mametastic) that I do indeed need this dress. Sans the sesame seeds (they would murder Mudder) and maybe the veggies and cheese switched, so I have an adorable lettuce/tomato/onion tutu. I want it my way. That's why they call me Big Mac! (No one calls me that.)

And You Thought Your Frat Came Up With This...

Tired of standing? Drink up! It only took Bernard 10 days.

I LOVE WHIMSY THINGS!

Watch your back, edamame, you are about to get a-salted!

I will 'tee hee' with joy every single time I get to pop a salty cap in* a delicious meal's ass!

*Real conversation between Sweetheart and me while writing this blog.

Me: Now, do you pop a cap in someone's ass or on someone's ass.

Sweetheart: I pop a cap in yo ass.

Me: So, in? You pop caps in someone's ass?

Sweetheart: Yes. Wait. Why?!

Homemade Thin Mints

Just as good, if not a little better (due the the extra LOVE I threw in), as the real ones!

Homemade Lemoncello!

Will be perfect by the first picnic of the season!

Lady's Who Tea.

Tea, scones, and clotted cream with my favorite ladybirds at Tea and Sympathy. This is love!

Damn right, Martha!

Me? I'm more of a McNugget girl.

Cornucopia of LOVE.

Feasting, celebrating, and being thankful for my life with Mom, Dad, Brother Bear, Sweetheart, Dr. Evil Pie Maker, and Brother from another Mother. Surrounded with love! And food.

CHEESEburgerCAKE

This combines my two favorite foods. I like that. Picture a couple atop the bun. I'm looking at you, some-time-in-the-future Wedding Cake!

I Don't Care! I'll Pull Down My Underwear!

I didn't have a single one of these delicious treats this year! And they are my favorite! I went to drug stores and grocery store today for the sale bags. Nope! None for me. LAME.

If you have any laying around, please send to:

Erin McCarson

24-50 28th St #6

Astoria, NY 11102

I will also accept love letters.

Maura Kelly has Body Issues

Maura Kelly, a blogger for Marie Claire, wrote this article about the show Mike & Molly.

An excerpt:
'So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room...'

Freedom of speech is one thing, but being cruel and hateful is another. But it's her opinion and it should be taken with a grain of salt and blah blabbity blah blah. If it were about blacks or gays or women being objectified, it wouldn't fly! So how is it acceptable to attack someone solely based on their appearance/weight and non-medical opinion of their health?

Furthermore, fat men and skinny women are portrayed over and over again as couples in media. So, what? It's not gross if it's just the man? Because when it's a big lady with a skinny dude, it is always a sight gag, never as an actual relationship.

Perhaps she wanted to be an actress, but no matter how long she didn't eat, or how many times she purged, it just didn't happen for her. Maybe she's grumpy because she's hungry. Maybe she should attack the show for its poor writing and acting instead of the actors weight. Maybe she's just a bitch.

Later, she posted an apology at the end of her blog and spoke of her lifelong struggle with anorexia.

Boofuckinghoo, Ms. Kelly. You said it yourself, 'I think (insert eating disorder/body image problem) is something that most people have a ton of control over. It's something they can change, if only they put their minds to it.' Well then Judy Judgement, that whole anorexia thing, maybe you should just put your mind to it!

Don't take your years of meals consisting of gummy bears and Dexatrim out on me.

The Luther

Why am I not asleep after 5 in the morning? Oh yeah, my tummy feels funny.

Meet THE LUTHER...

One Krispy Kreme doughnut, sliced and toasted, hamburger, cheese, special sauce, and a big ole slab of Canadian bacon. Crunchy frenchie fries on the side.

Eating this burger is an experience. There is the super sweet yummy glazed doughnut, the greasy burger, ample gooey cheese, salty bacon, and oozy sauce. Your mouth is immediately confused, then interested. It's too many delicious things all at once. Your tongue likes the texture, but can't figure out why its like that. Upon completion, you stumble around and slur your words, food drunk, and, if it's the hottest day ever (today), will probably get the meat sweats. You are full, satisfied, sick, and sugar rushed all at the same time.

Soon, you poop and crash. Your stomach doesn't quite hurt, but it is having a hard time digesting your dinner dessert combo. There will be no canoodling! Maybe pooting. You should try it. Once.

So, next time you want a burger, go that extra 500 calories and make it THE LUTHER!