Saturday Vanity

This man is Shu Uemura...


He wants you to buy this...
Admittedly, the best eyelash curler on the market, but super expensive compared to its curling counterparts. And it only come with one refill, which promptly disappears as soon as you have unwrapped your shiny new tool. And Shu does not offer refills. He doesn't want you to have them. He wants you to replace your entire beauty gadget!

No more, Shu. No more! After a bit or trial and error, I discovered Essence of Beauty's dirt cheap refills fit. And work.
Take that, Japan!

I'm talking to you.

A bear walks into a bar...

'I'll have a beer.............................. and some peanuts.'
The bartender says, 'Why the big pause?'

Bear in mind, I am an insomniac, but I am positive this will make hibernation more bearable.

WANT. Nay. NEED! Can't bear to live without!

I could sleep bear naked inside. It could be my hideout when grizzly situations arise. I could hide hope inside and call it Pandaora's Box. My sweetheart could get a matching white one (I know how much he likes to be stuffed inside white things.) to show that polar opposites attract. That would be a real Kodiak moment! This sleeping bag and I would spend a lot of Koalaty* time together.

*Koala Bears are marsupials.

Bear Hugs!

Dumbo Dumbo Dino

Cephalopods are my favorite sea creature. Not counting mermaids. Duh.

They can fly, squirt ink, and change colors, even though they are colorblind. Like, water balloons with brains. They like having others of their kind around, but will hang out with fish if they are lonely. I think that's nice.

The Dumbo Octopus is my favorite cephalopod. I would very much like a Dumbo Octopus.

As I do not have a 22965 ft. deep aquarium ocean simulator to call my own, yet, I will settle for Dumbo the Elephant for now. NO sad Dumbo's mom song though! Unless I'm properly sedated.


Speaking of my favorite things and sad animal mom cinema, this movie (I can't even type the name), is all about my favorite things: dinosaurs, adventure, finding your magical place, dinosaurs... But I can't watch it because it induces an actual panic attack.

When is the last time you sat at your computer and wept to google images for 17 minutes? Never. Huh. Me? Oh, 30 seconds ago. Holy tranquilizer, Littlefoot!

What's Your Record?

i spent my evening at The Universal Record Database World Record Appreciation Society at Joe's Pub.

i saw a lot of records being set.

namely, miss Mamrie Hart (erhum... Mammary Heart), who set the world record for 'Eating the Most Veggie Corndogs While Dancing the Choreography to the Voiceover Part of MJ's Thriller'. you can experience it yourself in the video, around minute 54. really good stuff! i'm the one yelling, 'Swallow! I know you know how! SWALLOW!!'

Arden Myrin, of MadTV, 'Drew the Most US Weekly Celebrity Covergirls in 2 Minutes While Singing the Chorus to JayZ's 'Empire State of Mind' in Pig Latin'. she then gave away the drawings. i fought the masses for Lindsay Lohan in Jail and my sweetheart made the whole room jealous by getting Octomom.

other favorites, 'Slowest Macarena', 'Most Fart Noises Executed During a One Minute Excerpt of Going Rogue by Sarah Palin', and 'Most Pies to the Face by a Clown in One Minute' (below, poorly captured by my cellmra).

all in all, just another night in my city.

Arts & Farts & Crafts

one of my jobs is to hang out with the most amazing young mind in the world!

her name is Kate.

i started watching her when she was 5. she is now 10.

she tells me i am no longer her babysitter, but her tweensitter.

soulmates come in all forms!

today we made a photo collage decoupage frame with I LOVE YOU photobooth pics inside. and a hand crafted apron. for her mom's bday. frame, maybe my favorite craft in a while. turned out really cute. you may get one for xmas.

CUDZOO & the Faggettes

The Prettiest Girls with the Filthiest Mouths...

And it's really important that you know I am in the most important band in the history of music*, CUDZOO & the Faggettes. We do interviews, thats how you know we are important.

*says me

Blag Hag.

Oh, hello. I didn't see you there.

I decided I need purpose, perspective, outlet, and challenge. I thought a blog might help uncover some of these needs.

I am not sure of the direction or greater good, yet.

I don't even understand the jargon, yet.

Tomorrow, I'll ask my 10 year old friend what it all means.

But here I am. There you are. Let's do this!

Today my first post, tomorrow the world!