Laundry Day.

Team Busy Bee. Team Llama.

I have been so busy! I haven't had time to keep this baby updated. And there has been so much! The following paragraph is my stream of conscience ramblings on what I would have blogged about if I had had time to blog:

I got asked to do a bit part in an upcoming movie, Shoplifting from American Apparel. I worked with this director before on the film The Human War and had a blast. I was also submitted for a JCPenny's commercial. I have been shopping there since I was an awkward teen in need of a business suit for DECA club and too chubby to find jackshit at the Limited Too. There is no reason why I shouldn't get cast. I consider it retribution for years of suffering in ugly ass clothes as a chubby young thing. Cudzoo is doing well. Can't wait to get in the studio. I got to visit with my forever friend Joe Pug. He's famous. You don't know him? You should. He will fix your soul. Fame's not making him an asshole, though. He was always an asshole. Dottie is doing better, she was a sick little kitten for a few days, but she still eats everything and gets tummy aches. She ate the straps off my tank top the other day. Brotherbear's band played at the Wildhorse Saloon in Nashville and killed it. He's kinda a big deal. I caught up with a great old college chumette. I discovered Sake. It fucks you up! I miss Quidditch because I'm always super busy on the weekends with weddings and rehearsals and life. I miss my broom and cape! Scream 4 was fun. As was Source Code and Insidious. It's warm enough to break out my vintage poncho. I figured out how to apply feather extensions. My kombucha is brewing steady. I need new sneakers. And tonight I am going to a Oh So Bad/Oh So Good Movie Screening Party of The Room. I can't wait!

Well, thats the jumbled update of my goings ons. Now to the gym. But not before I make your day/ruin your night with this sad, funny, not as sexy as a werewolf comparison pic:

The Real World: Winnie the Pooh

You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you.

You have to go to them sometimes.

~Winnie the Pooh

Mad Haters and the Hare

Sometimes I feel like this. A tired rabbit mask person just trying to catch the carrot.

You think you have people in this world, friend people, to help swing the carrot in your direction, but it turns out they don't want to help you. They wanted to hop around with you when you had lots of carrots or when they thought they could have your carrot or when they felt sad and needed someone to make them feel better about their carrots. Then they drop you, say mean spirited things about you, and share their carrots with someone else. These friend people suck.

Well, fuck that and fuck them! When you get stuck in a carrot chasing rut, you just gotta get your shit together long enough to put things into perspective, like this little furry friend!

There are so many things for which to be thankful. I am lucky in so many ways. And I don't really like most of the dummies I let get me down, so that's silly! If that carrot is out of reach, fine! Grab something else. You'll get the carrot eventually. And when you feel like a sad rabbit, relax and give yourself a hand... to metaphorically bitch slap the haters!

Haters make me famous.

Unicorn Magic!

Today was BEAUTIFUL! Spring is starting to sprung! And as you know, year after year the warm breeze of spring rides in on unicorn drawn chariots. No other creature can produce the warmth, color, and magic of spring like the majestic unicorn.

Unicorns blood is made of rainbows. Seriously. And they shit glitter. And cry whiskey. See:

Eating unicorn meat is thought to give you super powers, but actually, it kills you. Unless of course, that specific unicorn has given you permission to eat it. Then you will never die, become immune to carbs, and shit glitter.

One of my favorite breeds of unicorn is the elusive Unicone. Sadly, Mr. Tastee commissioned poachers have damn near killed them all! They usually remain invisible to humans and have developed laser death rays that shoot out of their eyes.

The most common unicorn in the FuckUnicorn. I actually own a teacup version of this breed. I carry it around with me in a little pink bag meant for small dogs.

THANK YOUNICORNS FOR SPRING!!

Doe. A deer. Here come the tears!

I found this art piece and the story that goes with it. I find it heartbreaking and peaceful. It makes me tear up, but I can't stop looking at their sweet little bodies all cuddled in together. And then I think about how there are a lot of Bambie commercials on right now, because of the blu-ray release. And I always start to cry during the Bambi commercials. Then I think of the shelter animal commercials, and how they send me into a code red mental breakdown. So then I cry more over these darling does. I hope that I am forever snuggled into someone I love. That leads me straight to Rabbit Hole, the movie about losing a child, that only upset me when the dog was involved. Then I feel bad for holding emotions for animals over humans, diagnose myself sociopath, and continue to sniffle for these twin creatures. So, anyway. Yeah. How do you react to this much cute sweetness and harsh reality of mortality? I struggle.

The Twin Fawns, by Peregrine Honig

I came upon Twin Fawns in the display case of a mom and pop toy and science store in Kansas City, Missouri. It took me two years to win the trust of the shop owner and save the money to buy them. A taxidermist spotted a dead deer by the side of the road. He stopped to properly dispose of the body and realized she was pregnant. He opened her and found near full-term twin fawns, he removed and preserved them.

Deer rarely have twins and the taxidermist retained the uterine gesture of their bodies. I built them a vitrine with a light blue base. Their prematurity exaggerates the delicacy of an incredibly sweet thing. The points of their hooves, the length of their lashes, the spots of their hides, nose to small nose in an un-cartoonish realism… Viewers’ eyes trick them into believing the fawns are breathing. The tragedy of beauty is its transience.

The twins live forever in their own demise. They are sleeping beauties. They have been muses since I first saw them.

We dress death in lilies and bronze the names of our dead sons on walls. We erect altars of toys and hold candlelight vigils to express hope. My twin fawns sleep endlessly on their baby blue block in my studio. The twins never opened their eyes yet their wondrous fatality evokes an acceptable alternative to death.

Unconditional LOVE!

He LOVES me so much his favorite sleep spot (when not between Sweetheart and me) is atop the dirty clothes. True LOVE!

Baby Humans Dressed as Baby Animals.

Parking Lot Horses.

Animals Like Each Other Despite Their Differences. Catch Up, Humans!

Kitteh.

Meet Huckleberry Dinosaur and Oscar Bobcat. In spirit, Oliver Unicorn.

Sadly, tonight is Huck's last night at our apartment. He will be moving to a new home. I feel very sad. Oscar is his best friend, father, brother, and mentor. Huck loves Oscar too much and can't wait to cuddle him while they cat nap. Not only is he gonna be alone, but learning a new home, too. Oscar lost his brother Oliver and is now losing his little Huck, too. Is he going to feel like every fellow kitty will go away one day? I just feel very sad for them. Maybe I am giving them human emotions and I shouldn't because they are, well, cats. I think they understand more than we give them credit for. They have smart souls.

The silver lining? A new kitten!

MOMMY LOVES YOU, HUCK! I HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY NEW HOME!

Froghole.

How Miss Piggy got a little frog in her throat.

Say Nay to SJP.

Like my friend Mamrie says, 'She looks like an unpainted witches mask.'

Dino Ho Ho

You, You, You Otter Know!

Did you know that otters hold hands when they sleep so they don't float apart?

Are you crying your face off? Because it's too sweet? And the world would be a better place if we all just help hands like the otters? If you want to call me and cry together over how sweet this is, please do. I don't sleep. I stay awake all night searching the internet for cute animals and beautiful dresses and facts about dinosaurs. Really.

Kitty Thoughts

I have an ongoing computer post-it on my desktop of things I want to blog about. I have been known to get too busy, causing me to backblog, but I want to remember what I intended to blog about that day.

Today I came home to a post-it my cat typed. I thought it would be rude not to, well, post it.

So, my cat's blog:

ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX

Happenis!

A Girl's Best Friend

The cat lady connotations, the fact that neither of us are looking at the lens, the blurry pixelation, the nod to Lisa Frank frame...

'After high school, I began rescuing cats. To date, I have brought 723 cats into my house, named them, and nursed them back to health. This is Allistair Gustus. I have found new homes for 587 of them. The rest live with me in my renovated basement apartment. Stop in and visit. You remember where my parents live, right? Yeah, totally. I live in their basement. Isn't that cool?'

10 Years Later, Who Are You?

Kirk Mason, 'Kirky', is one of my favorite people in the whole world. If I had to pick someone to be stuck in a horrible or good or sad or happy or challenging or funny situation with, one that had no foreseeable end, I would totally ask him to come with me! We share very similar backgrounds, brains, senses of humor, ideas, and beliefs. We help each other find perspective. We have young clean hearts. We play. He makes me laugh.

We both had 10 year high school reunions this year. His class was asked to send in pictures for slide shows depicting what you have been up to for the past 10 years and where you are now.

(My class didn't do this. Some of the boys club that stayed in NC played golf. We had gross food and no DJ. I was one of the 5 people who danced to the ipod. Apparently my parents 30 year high school reunion the same weekend was more hip.)

(Furthermore, I found the whole reunion to be less than I had imagined it to be. Partially because of the boys club friendly planning and general disinterest of the attendees, but also I blame Facebook. No one was truly excited to see their long lost classmates or surprised by what they were doing with their lives. It's like, 'Oh hey, I read on Facebook last week that you made a sandwich. How was it?')

Anyhow, Kirk and I were trying to come up with some really perfect trashy fun pictures we could send in for our reunion slide shows (well, my theoretical slide show). I thought I would share a few of my top choices over the next few posts. I think they would really be special featured in my theoretical 'Where Are They Now' 10 Year Reunion Slide show. People with their kids and weddings and ARMY adventures and car repairs and poorly composed vacation shots...

And me!

'Since high school, I've really been interested in finding the strength to stand up to my inner demons and overcome the power they have over me. And bears.'

Pocket Pachyderm

Want. Need. Must have.

But a real elephant. That is this size.

That snuggles with the kitties.

And picks up my pencil in its trunk when I drop it.

And steps on peanuts to crack them.

And falls down when it sneezes.

And likes to sneak up on you and tug your toe.

And looks cute when dressed as a hamster or a hermit crab or an elf.

And pulls at the sheets and makes tiny exasperated elephant noises when it wants to sleep on your pillow next to you.

Tiny elephant will use the litter box, behave when going on trips in his tiny elephant travel bag, and provide countless hours of happiness for children with cancer and forgotten old people. I'm in love.