Team Busy Bee. Team Llama.

I have been so busy! I haven't had time to keep this baby updated. And there has been so much! The following paragraph is my stream of conscience ramblings on what I would have blogged about if I had had time to blog:

I got asked to do a bit part in an upcoming movie, Shoplifting from American Apparel. I worked with this director before on the film The Human War and had a blast. I was also submitted for a JCPenny's commercial. I have been shopping there since I was an awkward teen in need of a business suit for DECA club and too chubby to find jackshit at the Limited Too. There is no reason why I shouldn't get cast. I consider it retribution for years of suffering in ugly ass clothes as a chubby young thing. Cudzoo is doing well. Can't wait to get in the studio. I got to visit with my forever friend Joe Pug. He's famous. You don't know him? You should. He will fix your soul. Fame's not making him an asshole, though. He was always an asshole. Dottie is doing better, she was a sick little kitten for a few days, but she still eats everything and gets tummy aches. She ate the straps off my tank top the other day. Brotherbear's band played at the Wildhorse Saloon in Nashville and killed it. He's kinda a big deal. I caught up with a great old college chumette. I discovered Sake. It fucks you up! I miss Quidditch because I'm always super busy on the weekends with weddings and rehearsals and life. I miss my broom and cape! Scream 4 was fun. As was Source Code and Insidious. It's warm enough to break out my vintage poncho. I figured out how to apply feather extensions. My kombucha is brewing steady. I need new sneakers. And tonight I am going to a Oh So Bad/Oh So Good Movie Screening Party of The Room. I can't wait!

Well, thats the jumbled update of my goings ons. Now to the gym. But not before I make your day/ruin your night with this sad, funny, not as sexy as a werewolf comparison pic:

Jessie J, I Love You!

Jessie J will be performing at the PCRichard theater in NYC.

I MUST BE THERE!!

You should be there, too! She's so pretty!

CUDZOO does Don Pedros!

CUDZOO TONIGHT!!

Shit's about to get real! I'm on a dollar bill/penny real!

I don't know what that means, but you should come!

Arlene's Grocery @ 10:30

Factory Girls.

My friend Creighton made this. I love him to death and think he is amazingly talented, so I went to check it out. IT WAS FANTASTIC! The music and story were so moving and full. And those bitches could sing like beautiful belting angels. This will be a successful musical hit one day. Seek it out. Phenomenal!

I've started watching Bones.

I love it.

CUDZOO CHRISTMAS!!

Come see us tonight at the Knitting Factory!

Doors at 7. Cudzoo at 8. Sharp.

$10... BUT, all proceeds go to help homeless children have a very merry and warm and safe and healthy and loving holiday season. Through the Coalition for the Homeless.

All I Want For Christmas Is CUDZOO!!

We three Queens of the New York are
Bare and sloshed and mumbling 'Gnar Gnar'
But come Monday
We will find our way
to the CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR!

Tomorrow is the day of the show, yall!

I am in The Thrilling Comedy of the True Beneficiaries of the 14th Amendment, series A.
It's real melodramatical and fun!

We the Corporate Personhood
10 minute PLAY FESTIVAL!

FEATURING WORKS BY
JAMES COMTOIS, FERNANDA COPPEL, MATTHEW-LEE ERLBACH, , JULIA HOLLEMAN, PATRICIA IONE LLOYD, JEROME PARKER, LUCILE SCOTT, LEEGRID STEVENS, & MELISA TIEN

LIMITED ENGAGMENT – 4 shows only!
DECEMBER 7-15 @ THE KRAINE THEATER, 85 east 4th street
SERIES A: DECEMBER 7 & 14 – 8pm
SERIES B: DECEMBER 8 & 15 – 8pm

Admission: $0.00 – FREE!
Reservations are mandatory! Please email reservations@subjectivetheatre.org

SERIES A (December 7 & 14)
Seward, Kansas - Written by Matthew-Lee Erlbach & Directed by David F. Chapman
The soil is toxic, food is scarce, and corporate forces have taken control of all Kansas farms after a nuclear disaster. One farm in remote Seward may be the exception to the rulers.

Light Sweet Crude - Written by Melisa Tein & Directed by Nicole A. Watson
A snapshot of how great events affect small people, an illustration of the invisible connections we share with others, and a meditation on the responsibility of the corporation versus the responsibility of the individual.

The Thrilling Comedy of the True Beneficiaries of the 14th Amendment - Written by Julia Holleman & Directed by Steven Gillenwater
A comedic melodrama about how two scrappy young corporations in the 1880s persuade the Supreme Court to believe in their humanity using the only means at their disposal - passion, conviction, and, let's not forget, money.

They Think Our Favorite Color is Green - Written by Patricia Ione Lloyd & Directed by Pat Golden
Menthol cigarettes, buff black men and corporate America’s racism; or just another day in the U.S. of A. What have we learned from the world's leader of incarcerating its residents? How target advertising maximizes corporate profits, to laugh at tragedy, and how to get killer abs.

SERIES B (December 8 & 15)

Dammit, Office Girl! - Written by James Comtois & Directed by Danny Sharron
An employee pines, if not yearns, for an administrative assistant from afar. And by "afar," we mean "five feet away."

Brooklyn Skank - Written by Fernanda Coppel & Directed by Donya K. Washington
Leslie and Ryan work for Brooklyn Skank, an overpriced and trendy boutique in Brooklyn that is famous for its T-shirts that say "Made by a Brooklyn Skank." Part of their daily routine is answering the age-old question, "Are these Brooklyn Skank T-shirts actually made by a Skank?" Leslie and Ryan have a stock answer that is approved by the Brooklyn Skank Corporation, but as this story unravels you get the sense that Leslie and Ryan have no idea how these garments are made and who makes them.

The Foundation - Written by Jerome Parker & Directed by Axel Avin, Jr.
Lawrence has put his heart and soul into building a non-profit that aids inner cities on a national level. As he prepares to turn over his reign to his young nephew, the woman who helped him build the foundation plans her revenge for being passed over for the top position. A short play about the ties that bind mixed with live jazz.

Target Monologue - Written by Leegrid Stevens & Directed by Rachel Wohlander
Target reflects on his difficult childhood.

Oh, Donna - Written by Lucile Baker Scott, Directed By Jesse Geiger
In Oh Donna a beautiful young heiress (and friend of Paris Hilton's) who has orgasmic tendencies with organic juice and a few secrets, takes over the world's third largest communications company. Soon quite a bit of juice is spilled, along with a few drops of blood…



Please join us and get your incorporation on!
Jesse Cameron Alick
Artistic Director
Subjective Theatre Company
http://www.subjectivetheater.org/

McThanksgiving!

Day 1: Luthers, Pee-Wee, 90's R&B Groups, and Blackman!

I LOVE MY FAMILY!!

It's So Hard...

When you're rich and famous you are the dominant force in a relationship, even if you try hard not to be. I've talked of sacrificing everything for Fleetwood Mac, but I realize now that it is simply the only thing I've ever wanted to do.

-Stevie Nicks

Sing it, Siren Sister! Being an artist person is hard. It's what I eat, sleep, breathe, preach, and love the most. Sometimes it makes everything else confusing and hard and complicated. I just want to do what I love always! You know?

A Day on Set

Today I shot a movie. It's called Tasteless. I play Amelia.

I played with Ryan McDonough (actor), Lori Fischer (screenwriter), Joseph Gannascoli (actor), Sean Gannet (director), Ashley Wren Collins (producer).

Yeah, he's the Sopranos guy. Making him the second Sopranos guy with whom I have worked on a project. The other was Bobby Funaro in Fuckplays. I adore Bobby! I even relayed coded messages to Joe and Bobby from each other. I might be in the mafia, now. I'm not sure. Probably.

Nancy Opel was also in my scene. She's hilarious. And likes to cry on cue. She's Tony Nominated.

Well, Nancy, my dad, Tony, nominates me quite often as the biggest pain in his wallet in the whole wide world. Looks like we are both Tony nominees. Let's toast tiny tea mugs and laugh smugly!

And, finally, April the Top Model. Tall, thin, beautiful...

But it seems only one of us found our light and nailed the shoot.

Holla at me, Tyra! This smize ain't free!

This snarky recap is all in good fun, of course! I had a great time on set, everyone was super professional and efficient. I hope to work with this lovely team again in the future!

QUIDDITCH is Real!

I play Quidditch. I am a New York Badassilisk.

We have brooms. Sadly, they don't fly. But we have them. And there are quaffles and bludgers and hoops and capes. I am a beater first, a chaser second. Basically, I can't always catch you, so I knock you down and steal your ball. BOOM!

The snitch is a cross country sprinter, dressed in all gold, with a tennis ball in a tube sock tucked into the back of their pants. The snitch has no rules. They can leave the pitch, steal your bike, and climb a tree. Catching the snitch ends the game. A seeker for each team (Someone that really enjoys running. Like, for fun. Gross.) chases the snitch.

We have our first, and only game before the Quidditch World Cup, today against NYU. I don't really know if we are up to par. I mean, we haven't actually played anyone yet. But I'm excited at the idea of being World Cup Champions!!

And, after searching the entire city, I found an amazing broom. Well see, my first broom has snapped, like, three times. Duct taping it back together has stopped working. So, yeah. I'm really effing excited about a broom!

Suck it! Sweep it? Go team!

Going Down... muhahahaha!

Devil? Devil! Really? Did you mean Hellevator? Surely you meant Hellevator.

I am proposing a world wide strike of the movie Devil until it is renamed Hellevator.

Who's with me?!

Let Me In, Facebook.

Last night Sweetheart and I saw Let Me In and The Social Network.

We also ate our weight in popcorn (we had to keep a full bucket in order to pull off the double header movie sneak-in on opening night!) causing a tummy ache from which I am still recovering.

Let Me In is a gorey, funny, wincing good time. The kids are appropriately creepy, the 'ahhhh, cooooooooooome oooooooooooon' moments are gross and fun to watch through your fingers, and the story is actually pretty touching. The mean boy is really good at being a bully! I would be interested in seeing the Svedish version. See, I liked it enough to watch it in another language. Sweetheart loved it. I liked it a lot. That being said, I am the girl that sites Drag Me to Hell as one of my favorite horror movies to watch. *Spoiler Alert* She gets dragged to hell. Obvi, I value camp. Sometimes over substance.

The Social Network is great. I just don't know why. It's a movie about what might have happened in creating a website, and I loved it! Watching the struggle of idea ownership and cyber ownership was interesting and new. All the web jargon/growing/jokes/fun is applicable to everyone who has a facebook page, which is everyone, and feels modern and exciting. Even though all of us, from your milf to my backwoods druncle, has a facebook page, and the movie was sold out at every showing, it still felt intimate. Like a secret hipster club who all get this movie other generations wouldn't understand. Is this the backlash of special effects? Could our Star Wars be a movie about our technological abilities instead of featuring them? I certainly was more excited about The Social Network than Avatar. (Unless you are recreationally using drugs. Then Avatar still wins.) No, it probably isn't our Star Wars, but it is strange that a movie about a website is somehow defining of our generation. The acting was great entertainment, especially the twins (!), and the writing was spot on, sounding just like what me and all my friends think we sound like. Lots of groups stayed after the film to talk about it (as it was 2am, this is especially impressive) and people were excited. I guess our generations everyman ideal is a 20-something internet start-up success story. Weird! Another fun phenomenon, everyone whips out their phone as they are leaving the theater. No doubt, to update their status. I did.

Go see them both. If you can't do a super sneaky double header, pick your poison. Bloody suspense or cerebral wit? Neither will disappoint.

If you are free...

Young Mind, Pure Heart

Escapade by Ms. Jackson (if you're nasty.)

I always loved this song. It represented happiness, love, fun, family adventure, and sequins. Of course, I didn't find out until years later (college. seriously.) that I had misunderstood the lyrics. Oh, sorrow!

Come on baby let's get away
Let's save your troubles for another day
Come go with me we've got it made
Let me take you TO THE ICE CAPADES (let's go)

ICE CA-PADES we'll have a good time
ICE CA-PADES leave your worries behind
ICE CA-PADES you can be mine
ICE CA-PADES an ICE CAPADE

CUDZOO & the Faggettes @ Arlene's Grocery Tonight

Potty mouths, whiskey drinkers, closet whatevers, dancing queens, sparkle divas, glitterholes, and those who laugh at pussyfarts...

SEE YOU TONIGHT!!

CUDZOO & the Faggettes

The Prettiest Girls with the Filthiest Mouths...

And it's really important that you know I am in the most important band in the history of music*, CUDZOO & the Faggettes. We do interviews, thats how you know we are important.

*says me