You're Full of Shit, Psycho!

In honor of Donald Trump, a big old ugly piece of shit...

Sometimes, if your poops are too big, you have to do a little extra work to make them, uhm, go away. I think the best way to handle this situation is to fucking remain fucking calm. Stop the poop water from pouring out into the cat litter, cuss as you hurry to kick the rugs out of the way, yell at the cat who is trying to help, and cuss some more.

When the calm of the storm finally arrives, I like to sing this song at the top of my lungs...

While plunging the toilet with this...

...in a manic, crazy kinda way. Bonus points for leaving the door open and smiling in a manic 'I really enjoy this' fashion. Extra bonus points for holding it, dripping poop water, at someones neck when they ask if you need any help.

Team Busy Bee. Team Llama.

I have been so busy! I haven't had time to keep this baby updated. And there has been so much! The following paragraph is my stream of conscience ramblings on what I would have blogged about if I had had time to blog:

I got asked to do a bit part in an upcoming movie, Shoplifting from American Apparel. I worked with this director before on the film The Human War and had a blast. I was also submitted for a JCPenny's commercial. I have been shopping there since I was an awkward teen in need of a business suit for DECA club and too chubby to find jackshit at the Limited Too. There is no reason why I shouldn't get cast. I consider it retribution for years of suffering in ugly ass clothes as a chubby young thing. Cudzoo is doing well. Can't wait to get in the studio. I got to visit with my forever friend Joe Pug. He's famous. You don't know him? You should. He will fix your soul. Fame's not making him an asshole, though. He was always an asshole. Dottie is doing better, she was a sick little kitten for a few days, but she still eats everything and gets tummy aches. She ate the straps off my tank top the other day. Brotherbear's band played at the Wildhorse Saloon in Nashville and killed it. He's kinda a big deal. I caught up with a great old college chumette. I discovered Sake. It fucks you up! I miss Quidditch because I'm always super busy on the weekends with weddings and rehearsals and life. I miss my broom and cape! Scream 4 was fun. As was Source Code and Insidious. It's warm enough to break out my vintage poncho. I figured out how to apply feather extensions. My kombucha is brewing steady. I need new sneakers. And tonight I am going to a Oh So Bad/Oh So Good Movie Screening Party of The Room. I can't wait!

Well, thats the jumbled update of my goings ons. Now to the gym. But not before I make your day/ruin your night with this sad, funny, not as sexy as a werewolf comparison pic:

Jessie J, I Love You!

Jessie J will be performing at the PCRichard theater in NYC.

I MUST BE THERE!!

You should be there, too! She's so pretty!

CUDZOO does Don Pedros!

CUDZOO TONIGHT!!

Shit's about to get real! I'm on a dollar bill/penny real!

I don't know what that means, but you should come!

Arlene's Grocery @ 10:30

This Movie.

GaGaGrammy

I thought I was the only famous fairy princess poptart whose favorite movie is Cocoon. Gaga and I really do have a lot in common.

I think her... uhm... friends? slaves? minions?... are wearing outfits made out of SCOBY (symbiotic colony of bacteria and yeast). Raw meat is SO 2010. See, more stuff in common. We are both brewing kombucha for the purpose of fashioning androgynous bodysuits for our gurney drivers. We're gonna be best friends!

Super Bowl Redux

Factory Girls.

My friend Creighton made this. I love him to death and think he is amazingly talented, so I went to check it out. IT WAS FANTASTIC! The music and story were so moving and full. And those bitches could sing like beautiful belting angels. This will be a successful musical hit one day. Seek it out. Phenomenal!

Get It?

Boys, Glitter, Tears, Boys, and Glitter.

CUDZOO CHRISTMAS!!

Come see us tonight at the Knitting Factory!

Doors at 7. Cudzoo at 8. Sharp.

$10... BUT, all proceeds go to help homeless children have a very merry and warm and safe and healthy and loving holiday season. Through the Coalition for the Homeless.

All I Want For Christmas Is CUDZOO!!

We three Queens of the New York are
Bare and sloshed and mumbling 'Gnar Gnar'
But come Monday
We will find our way
to the CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR!

It's So Hard...

When you're rich and famous you are the dominant force in a relationship, even if you try hard not to be. I've talked of sacrificing everything for Fleetwood Mac, but I realize now that it is simply the only thing I've ever wanted to do.

-Stevie Nicks

Sing it, Siren Sister! Being an artist person is hard. It's what I eat, sleep, breathe, preach, and love the most. Sometimes it makes everything else confusing and hard and complicated. I just want to do what I love always! You know?

I Pick You!

My Brother Bear wants this. I gotta say, it is pretty nifty. You can make your very own highfalutin guitar picks. This would significantly reduce my Christmas shopping list!

If you are free...

Young Mind, Pure Heart

Escapade by Ms. Jackson (if you're nasty.)

I always loved this song. It represented happiness, love, fun, family adventure, and sequins. Of course, I didn't find out until years later (college. seriously.) that I had misunderstood the lyrics. Oh, sorrow!

Come on baby let's get away
Let's save your troubles for another day
Come go with me we've got it made
Let me take you TO THE ICE CAPADES (let's go)

ICE CA-PADES we'll have a good time
ICE CA-PADES leave your worries behind
ICE CA-PADES you can be mine
ICE CA-PADES an ICE CAPADE

CUDZOO & the Faggettes @ Arlene's Grocery Tonight

Potty mouths, whiskey drinkers, closet whatevers, dancing queens, sparkle divas, glitterholes, and those who laugh at pussyfarts...

SEE YOU TONIGHT!!

Joe Pug

I'M CRAZY FOR PUGLIESE!!

Joe is one of my dearest friends. We met at UNC. We were the two people left awake at parties to watch the sunrise and finish the keg. We did lots of artsy fartsy stuff together. He is one of the funniest people I know, but no one ever believes me because he writes and sings things he is supposed to be too young to understand. We always tell each other when the other is being an asshole. I think that's important. He is a superstar. I feel like a proud Mama Bear. I love him!

Itunes him, google him, find him. You'll be glad you did.

Watch him perform with The Levon Helm Band and Elvis Costello.

CUDZOO & the Faggettes

The Prettiest Girls with the Filthiest Mouths...

And it's really important that you know I am in the most important band in the history of music*, CUDZOO & the Faggettes. We do interviews, thats how you know we are important.

*says me