Laundry Day.

Spinal Cracker

Today I pushed my way through two Zumba classes and a Boot Camp class. Then I played catch with Sweetheart. I feel so good and I feel so bad! I gotta get my body to keep up with my brain, it still thinks we can do this kinda thing! So much fun. So much Advil. A nice hot shower, please! And maybe a little of this to mend my mid-to-late half of my mid-to-late twenty something old lady bones.

Allergies Attack My Life!

It came out of nowhere. I was fine and watching Pregnant in Heels, and then BOOM! I can't breathe and my eye balls are gonna pop out and I am actively trying to gouge my sinus cavity. Allergy attacks make me look like a have a trout pout and a lazy eye. Sweetheart went to the store to get me medicines after midnight! This won him like, 3,816 best boyfriend points, and everybody knows you need that many to trade in for the good stuff. Less than that and you are stuck with Chinese finger traps and bulk candy from Oriental Trading. This is after a Singulair, a Zyrtec, and two Benedryl. I'm a drugged pollinated mess! Someone help my allergy woes!

Internet Dating

You're back! Hello, internet in my apartment. I missed you. I love you. Let's never be apart again! Wait, did you just check out that girl? What, just because you waltz back into my life you think you can look at other girls like that? No. No! Shut your mouthface! What? What! It's my nails isn't it? I knew I should have picked Firework and not High Heel. Fuck. I'm so stupid. Why do you want to spend your life with someone so stupid?! Maybe you should go ask that floozy out. Her skinny jeans and piercings suggest high intelligence. You think she's ugly? You're ugly. No you don't. You're just saying that. You do? You mean it? Really? I want to be with you, too. I know, but I told you I was crazy on our first date. I just missed you, is all. I love you, too. Don't. Don't look at her! I will cut that bitch. I missed you.

Zombie Apocalypse Hat

Tonight, Sweetheart and I were rounding up our choice army in case of a zombie apocalypse. We were surprised at who did and did not make the cut. Did you? Well, we can't tell you until Z-day, but until then, you can start crocheting your official Team Super Survive headgear. Not only will it help prevent potential brain damage due to contusions (I'm fitting mine over my bicycle helmet), but it will also confuse zombies and remind your fellow team members that a zombie apocalypse is no time to lose your sense of humor!

Buh-Bye, Valentine!

I, for one, had a pretty shitty Valentine's. Sweetheart and I got in a huge fight over something so stupid I refuse to even admit it on here. I was sure we were thisclose to hating each other forever. We have since worked it out, as you do when you have a stoopit disagreement, but I would still like to put this month of loveyshit out to pasture. Here are some sayonara V-day treats!

These Valentine's are pretty apropos. They are cute, but, bet you me, you don't wanna spend your V-day with a monster. They are super jealous and surprisingly needy.

This is more like it... until he eats your brains. You could trick him into eating your Sweetheart's brains, but as you are mad at him and not convinced that he has any, it's best to steer clear of handsome rose-bearing zombies.

I find that after this Valentine's Day massacre, it's best to carry on into March like it never happened!

Valentine's Day 2011, get the fuck outta my face!

My Other Half.

I LOVE YOU!

(Well, I loved you a little easier before that big fight a few days ago. Nonetheless, I do. Now be a man and buy me make-up presents! Good ones. I have bags under my eyes named after you.)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

He said, "I think we should see other people."

I said, "Are you positive? Cause I am!"

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Lovers Snowy Adventure.

Babe, pretend it's my junk.

Babe, would you like me better if I were Crasian?

3rd Rock from the Haters

I believed you were a beautiful hunk of man meat from the very beginning. And I've got my freshman year in high school diary to prove it! Do you want to be my boyfriend?

10 Things I Hate About You:

1. You are short.

2. I got caught polishing the pearl at least twice by my mom because of you.

3. Your name is hard to spell.

4. You kissed Zooey.

5. The tall brassy blonde in your life is Kristen Johnston, not Erin McCarson.

6. You frenched Alex Mack! Jealous!

7. You FRENCHED Alex Mack! Super Jealous.

8. You knew Health Ledger. Alive.

9. I don't have your phone number so we can text playfully throughout the day.

10. ALEX MACK!

I ran into him on the street a while back. Truth be told, he was tiny! But very handsome. Tit level will do just fine. Joseph G-L, you are adorbs!

Best Night of Sleep.

Valentine's month must-have.

Smarty Pants.

Sweetheart Left Me This.

I am running away because you think I farted when I didn't.

PS- You're mean.

BEST EVER.

Sweetheart and I laughed for an hour putting dialogue to this situation. Go ahead. Try it.

JUGS.

This begs to be next years Christmas card.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

I love you.

Beauties and the Beasts

To Wear Over My Spicy Meatballs!

I want this.

Cornucopia of LOVE.

Feasting, celebrating, and being thankful for my life with Mom, Dad, Brother Bear, Sweetheart, Dr. Evil Pie Maker, and Brother from another Mother. Surrounded with love! And food.

It's So Hard...

When you're rich and famous you are the dominant force in a relationship, even if you try hard not to be. I've talked of sacrificing everything for Fleetwood Mac, but I realize now that it is simply the only thing I've ever wanted to do.

-Stevie Nicks

Sing it, Siren Sister! Being an artist person is hard. It's what I eat, sleep, breathe, preach, and love the most. Sometimes it makes everything else confusing and hard and complicated. I just want to do what I love always! You know?