Team Busy Bee. Team Llama.

I have been so busy! I haven't had time to keep this baby updated. And there has been so much! The following paragraph is my stream of conscience ramblings on what I would have blogged about if I had had time to blog:

I got asked to do a bit part in an upcoming movie, Shoplifting from American Apparel. I worked with this director before on the film The Human War and had a blast. I was also submitted for a JCPenny's commercial. I have been shopping there since I was an awkward teen in need of a business suit for DECA club and too chubby to find jackshit at the Limited Too. There is no reason why I shouldn't get cast. I consider it retribution for years of suffering in ugly ass clothes as a chubby young thing. Cudzoo is doing well. Can't wait to get in the studio. I got to visit with my forever friend Joe Pug. He's famous. You don't know him? You should. He will fix your soul. Fame's not making him an asshole, though. He was always an asshole. Dottie is doing better, she was a sick little kitten for a few days, but she still eats everything and gets tummy aches. She ate the straps off my tank top the other day. Brotherbear's band played at the Wildhorse Saloon in Nashville and killed it. He's kinda a big deal. I caught up with a great old college chumette. I discovered Sake. It fucks you up! I miss Quidditch because I'm always super busy on the weekends with weddings and rehearsals and life. I miss my broom and cape! Scream 4 was fun. As was Source Code and Insidious. It's warm enough to break out my vintage poncho. I figured out how to apply feather extensions. My kombucha is brewing steady. I need new sneakers. And tonight I am going to a Oh So Bad/Oh So Good Movie Screening Party of The Room. I can't wait!

Well, thats the jumbled update of my goings ons. Now to the gym. But not before I make your day/ruin your night with this sad, funny, not as sexy as a werewolf comparison pic:

Where Are They Now? Skeletor v. He-Man

It was clear at a very early age that Skeletor was predestined to be He-Man's arch-enemy and main antagonist in the Masters of the Universe franchise. Skeletot was a finicky baby with a taste for kittens and dark magic.

Try as he might, even with the force of all that is evil behind him, he was never able to defeat He-Man, learn the ancient secrets of Castle Greyskull, and rule Eternia. Thusly, he took to figure modeling for college art class electives and turning the occasional trick. His clients never complained (due to his mystical powers and muscular blue humanoid form, one can assume) and he earned the moniker Skelewhore.

In his spare time, he can still be found roaming the streets, with Panthor and his Havoc Staff (not a euphemism), looking for He-Man and hoping to put an end their eternal battle of good versus evil.

Little does he know, He-Man, sporting a clever disguise, has chosen a new direction for his life. How long will this ruse last? Is Prince Adam the new Prince Albert? Is She-Ra chic in this season?

And the battle continues!

Doe. A deer. Here come the tears!

I found this art piece and the story that goes with it. I find it heartbreaking and peaceful. It makes me tear up, but I can't stop looking at their sweet little bodies all cuddled in together. And then I think about how there are a lot of Bambie commercials on right now, because of the blu-ray release. And I always start to cry during the Bambi commercials. Then I think of the shelter animal commercials, and how they send me into a code red mental breakdown. So then I cry more over these darling does. I hope that I am forever snuggled into someone I love. That leads me straight to Rabbit Hole, the movie about losing a child, that only upset me when the dog was involved. Then I feel bad for holding emotions for animals over humans, diagnose myself sociopath, and continue to sniffle for these twin creatures. So, anyway. Yeah. How do you react to this much cute sweetness and harsh reality of mortality? I struggle.

The Twin Fawns, by Peregrine Honig

I came upon Twin Fawns in the display case of a mom and pop toy and science store in Kansas City, Missouri. It took me two years to win the trust of the shop owner and save the money to buy them. A taxidermist spotted a dead deer by the side of the road. He stopped to properly dispose of the body and realized she was pregnant. He opened her and found near full-term twin fawns, he removed and preserved them.

Deer rarely have twins and the taxidermist retained the uterine gesture of their bodies. I built them a vitrine with a light blue base. Their prematurity exaggerates the delicacy of an incredibly sweet thing. The points of their hooves, the length of their lashes, the spots of their hides, nose to small nose in an un-cartoonish realism… Viewers’ eyes trick them into believing the fawns are breathing. The tragedy of beauty is its transience.

The twins live forever in their own demise. They are sleeping beauties. They have been muses since I first saw them.

We dress death in lilies and bronze the names of our dead sons on walls. We erect altars of toys and hold candlelight vigils to express hope. My twin fawns sleep endlessly on their baby blue block in my studio. The twins never opened their eyes yet their wondrous fatality evokes an acceptable alternative to death.

Zombie Apocalypse Hat

Tonight, Sweetheart and I were rounding up our choice army in case of a zombie apocalypse. We were surprised at who did and did not make the cut. Did you? Well, we can't tell you until Z-day, but until then, you can start crocheting your official Team Super Survive headgear. Not only will it help prevent potential brain damage due to contusions (I'm fitting mine over my bicycle helmet), but it will also confuse zombies and remind your fellow team members that a zombie apocalypse is no time to lose your sense of humor!

PREACH.

I'm in on of those slumps where I can't catch a break. Murphy's Law to the MAX! So much so that I have been avoiding crossing the road and using sharp objects, as I am certain they will lead to an unpleasant, embarrassing, painful end. Something so absurd and unheard of, that it will be on the news. I fucking hate the news. Universe, I'm saying it out loud: you, me, and everyone we know needs to take mutha fuckin CHILL PILL!

Unconditional LOVE!

He LOVES me so much his favorite sleep spot (when not between Sweetheart and me) is atop the dirty clothes. True LOVE!

My Quidditch Nickname.

A busty babe that can kick your ass. Obvi.

SHE-HULK!!!

Don't make her angry. You won't like her when she's angry.

Tiny Soul-mate.

Soul-mates come in all forms. Some more adorable than others.

Animals Like Each Other Despite Their Differences. Catch Up, Humans!

Homemade Thin Mints

Just as good, if not a little better (due the the extra LOVE I threw in), as the real ones!

Homemade Lemoncello!

Will be perfect by the first picnic of the season!

Kitteh.

Meet Huckleberry Dinosaur and Oscar Bobcat. In spirit, Oliver Unicorn.

Sadly, tonight is Huck's last night at our apartment. He will be moving to a new home. I feel very sad. Oscar is his best friend, father, brother, and mentor. Huck loves Oscar too much and can't wait to cuddle him while they cat nap. Not only is he gonna be alone, but learning a new home, too. Oscar lost his brother Oliver and is now losing his little Huck, too. Is he going to feel like every fellow kitty will go away one day? I just feel very sad for them. Maybe I am giving them human emotions and I shouldn't because they are, well, cats. I think they understand more than we give them credit for. They have smart souls.

The silver lining? A new kitten!

MOMMY LOVES YOU, HUCK! I HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY NEW HOME!

Always a Babe!

My Daddy, heart shaped sunglasses, and a '69 MG. Let's roll!

FAVORITE!!!

My favorite, bestest, most beautiful, smartest, everything in the universe that is good person!

My Mama.

Follow Me.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

I love you.

I can't feel my fingers.

Poverty breeds creativity. I'm crafting up a Christmas present storm! I've burned off all my fingertips and cut a chunk out of my finger. Shit is serious. Seriously crafty!

I cherish these moments. I can't wait to see it.

CUDZOO CHRISTMAS!!

Come see us tonight at the Knitting Factory!

Doors at 7. Cudzoo at 8. Sharp.

$10... BUT, all proceeds go to help homeless children have a very merry and warm and safe and healthy and loving holiday season. Through the Coalition for the Homeless.

All I Want For Christmas Is CUDZOO!!

We three Queens of the New York are
Bare and sloshed and mumbling 'Gnar Gnar'
But come Monday
We will find our way
to the CHRISTMAS SPECTACULAR!

Tomorrow is the day of the show, yall!

I am in The Thrilling Comedy of the True Beneficiaries of the 14th Amendment, series A.
It's real melodramatical and fun!

We the Corporate Personhood
10 minute PLAY FESTIVAL!

FEATURING WORKS BY
JAMES COMTOIS, FERNANDA COPPEL, MATTHEW-LEE ERLBACH, , JULIA HOLLEMAN, PATRICIA IONE LLOYD, JEROME PARKER, LUCILE SCOTT, LEEGRID STEVENS, & MELISA TIEN

LIMITED ENGAGMENT – 4 shows only!
DECEMBER 7-15 @ THE KRAINE THEATER, 85 east 4th street
SERIES A: DECEMBER 7 & 14 – 8pm
SERIES B: DECEMBER 8 & 15 – 8pm

Admission: $0.00 – FREE!
Reservations are mandatory! Please email reservations@subjectivetheatre.org

SERIES A (December 7 & 14)
Seward, Kansas - Written by Matthew-Lee Erlbach & Directed by David F. Chapman
The soil is toxic, food is scarce, and corporate forces have taken control of all Kansas farms after a nuclear disaster. One farm in remote Seward may be the exception to the rulers.

Light Sweet Crude - Written by Melisa Tein & Directed by Nicole A. Watson
A snapshot of how great events affect small people, an illustration of the invisible connections we share with others, and a meditation on the responsibility of the corporation versus the responsibility of the individual.

The Thrilling Comedy of the True Beneficiaries of the 14th Amendment - Written by Julia Holleman & Directed by Steven Gillenwater
A comedic melodrama about how two scrappy young corporations in the 1880s persuade the Supreme Court to believe in their humanity using the only means at their disposal - passion, conviction, and, let's not forget, money.

They Think Our Favorite Color is Green - Written by Patricia Ione Lloyd & Directed by Pat Golden
Menthol cigarettes, buff black men and corporate America’s racism; or just another day in the U.S. of A. What have we learned from the world's leader of incarcerating its residents? How target advertising maximizes corporate profits, to laugh at tragedy, and how to get killer abs.

SERIES B (December 8 & 15)

Dammit, Office Girl! - Written by James Comtois & Directed by Danny Sharron
An employee pines, if not yearns, for an administrative assistant from afar. And by "afar," we mean "five feet away."

Brooklyn Skank - Written by Fernanda Coppel & Directed by Donya K. Washington
Leslie and Ryan work for Brooklyn Skank, an overpriced and trendy boutique in Brooklyn that is famous for its T-shirts that say "Made by a Brooklyn Skank." Part of their daily routine is answering the age-old question, "Are these Brooklyn Skank T-shirts actually made by a Skank?" Leslie and Ryan have a stock answer that is approved by the Brooklyn Skank Corporation, but as this story unravels you get the sense that Leslie and Ryan have no idea how these garments are made and who makes them.

The Foundation - Written by Jerome Parker & Directed by Axel Avin, Jr.
Lawrence has put his heart and soul into building a non-profit that aids inner cities on a national level. As he prepares to turn over his reign to his young nephew, the woman who helped him build the foundation plans her revenge for being passed over for the top position. A short play about the ties that bind mixed with live jazz.

Target Monologue - Written by Leegrid Stevens & Directed by Rachel Wohlander
Target reflects on his difficult childhood.

Oh, Donna - Written by Lucile Baker Scott, Directed By Jesse Geiger
In Oh Donna a beautiful young heiress (and friend of Paris Hilton's) who has orgasmic tendencies with organic juice and a few secrets, takes over the world's third largest communications company. Soon quite a bit of juice is spilled, along with a few drops of blood…



Please join us and get your incorporation on!
Jesse Cameron Alick
Artistic Director
Subjective Theatre Company
http://www.subjectivetheater.org/