Say Nay to SJP.

Like my friend Mamrie says, 'She looks like an unpainted witches mask.'

JUGS.

This begs to be next years Christmas card.

Tickle My Digits.

I got a new phone.

From Santa.

A smart phone.

It confuses me a great deal.

Is there an app for that?

Total Eclipse of the Eclipse

Tonight was 'The Last Time Before The World Ends In 2012 Lunar Eclipse'. Exciting, right?! The next will be in 2014. For the cockroaches, bedbugs, and mole people.

A full lunar eclipse coupled with the winter solstice? NASA reports that the last time these astronomical events took place in sync was on Dec. 21, 1638, and it won't happen again until at least 2094. Naturally, I was stoked. I am even home in the country, where you can see stars and UFOs and whatnot.

Welp, it's cloudy. Super cloudy. So me and brotherbear watched it stream on the interweb while talking about the legend of Slender Man. (Which only scares me because he's scared by it. The more you look for Slender Man, the more he looks for you. And the collective belief in him make him real. You paranoia yourself nutty! Seriously, research this thing. Watch some videos. Then try to fall asleep without thinking about it. Peeping around trees and looking in windows and dunking under the door frame. Fuck. That is one slender man!)

So the eclipse was eclipsed by clouds? Does that make it more special? Did the moon get shy? Are the clouds attention seeking bullies? Did Slender Man do it? Was it all a Truman Showesque ruse to allow brotherbear and me bonding time? Oh, what to make of it all?!?!

In summary, the moon is not real.

I can't feel my fingers.

Poverty breeds creativity. I'm crafting up a Christmas present storm! I've burned off all my fingertips and cut a chunk out of my finger. Shit is serious. Seriously crafty!

I cherish these moments. I can't wait to see it.

To Wear Over My Spicy Meatballs!

I want this.

You, You, You Otter Know!

Did you know that otters hold hands when they sleep so they don't float apart?

Are you crying your face off? Because it's too sweet? And the world would be a better place if we all just help hands like the otters? If you want to call me and cry together over how sweet this is, please do. I don't sleep. I stay awake all night searching the internet for cute animals and beautiful dresses and facts about dinosaurs. Really.

It's So Hard...

When you're rich and famous you are the dominant force in a relationship, even if you try hard not to be. I've talked of sacrificing everything for Fleetwood Mac, but I realize now that it is simply the only thing I've ever wanted to do.

-Stevie Nicks

Sing it, Siren Sister! Being an artist person is hard. It's what I eat, sleep, breathe, preach, and love the most. Sometimes it makes everything else confusing and hard and complicated. I just want to do what I love always! You know?

Tis the Season!

I Pick You!

My Brother Bear wants this. I gotta say, it is pretty nifty. You can make your very own highfalutin guitar picks. This would significantly reduce my Christmas shopping list!

Pocket Pachyderm

Want. Need. Must have.

But a real elephant. That is this size.

That snuggles with the kitties.

And picks up my pencil in its trunk when I drop it.

And steps on peanuts to crack them.

And falls down when it sneezes.

And likes to sneak up on you and tug your toe.

And looks cute when dressed as a hamster or a hermit crab or an elf.

And pulls at the sheets and makes tiny exasperated elephant noises when it wants to sleep on your pillow next to you.

Tiny elephant will use the litter box, behave when going on trips in his tiny elephant travel bag, and provide countless hours of happiness for children with cancer and forgotten old people. I'm in love.

CHEESEburgerCAKE

This combines my two favorite foods. I like that. Picture a couple atop the bun. I'm looking at you, some-time-in-the-future Wedding Cake!

I Don't Care! I'll Pull Down My Underwear!

I didn't have a single one of these delicious treats this year! And they are my favorite! I went to drug stores and grocery store today for the sale bags. Nope! None for me. LAME.

If you have any laying around, please send to:

Erin McCarson

24-50 28th St #6

Astoria, NY 11102

I will also accept love letters.

I Thought Love Don't Cost a Thing!

Stop wasting my time
You know what I want
You know what I need
Or maybe you don't

Do I have to come right flat out and tell you everything?
Gimme some money

He Needs Some Pettin' and Lovin' on his Head

Just look at this little thing. I need to hold it in my bosom.

Who's da saddest widdle guy in da whole wide world?!

There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person. ~Dan Greenberg

Brain, Brain, Go Away! Little Erin wants to Play!

My head is all a mess.

I can't seem to shake this gloomy, blue, sad, stay-in-bed-and-stop-participating-in-society feeling.

What to do?! Well, blog about it, for one! Who knows, maybe it leads to an answer. I'm willing to take the risk.

I try working out, talking it out, stuffing it, starving it, forgetting it, writing about it, rising above it, sinking below it, drugging it, sleeping it off... everything. I even resorted to seeking advise from my 10 year old friend. Surprisingly, more compassionate and valid than most adults, she still couldn't hit the nail on the head.

Although I am prone to, let's say, strong changes in emotion that affect everyone around me, I can usually shake the negative ones in a few days and hold on to the positive ones for months. As I am obnoxiously aware of myself and the people around me, I am pretty good about pinpointing the problem, using my words to process the feelings, and pushing through to the other side. I have a grasp on the epic disappointment that was the catalyst for the whole shitstorm, the ever present and never present straw that broke this camels back, but can't make my sparkle come back.

Equally frustrating, I am the mothertherapist in my circle of friendfamily. I am never the one you call to grab a drink, giggle over boys, and compare glitter. (Nonetheless, I am quite sure my regaled tales and glitter collection are above par.) I am the one you call when you are going to jump off the bridge. Or when you need someone with you at the cat hospital at 3am. Or when you are too sad and confused. Or when something bad happens. Or when revenge must be had. I need that friend for me now. Hell, I would settle for the grab-a-drink friend. Just someone who is sincere and tries to straighten things out in my brainhole. And who can talk and make sense and see things I can't. I don't know how to convey this or find this, but I need it.

A list of immediate thoughts to help my sanity-

My life would be easier with the following changes:
I am paying for my lifestyle in art alone.
The gym is more fun with easier results.
Food isn't yummy and expensive.
I make more money. Like enough to pay rent, for starters.
I don't have a job that comes home with me every day.
The cat litter doesn't smell so fucking bad ALL the time.
The cats don't tread said litter into my room ALL the time.
Friends are more.
Family is closer.
Relationships are always sparkly.
Babies are easy to have and be responsible for.
Karma comes around.
People aren't so selfish.
I learn to sleep.
I go on a secret dinosaur ride that I never share with anyone.

See, that helped a little. My friend Kirky helps put things into perspective. Not really making me feel any better or resolving anything, just reminding me that everything contains humor and we are going to be alright. We are smart people with strong support systems. And if there were anything else in the whole universe that made us even almost as happy as being an artist person, we are smart enough to have been doing that already. But there isn't. Thusly, we suffer with cause and ambition.

If I could just part the clouds and get back on track...

Are you my hero?

I love ewe.

I want you baaaad.

Mope

I have studiously tried to avoid ever using the word 'madness' to describe my condition. Now and again, the word slips out, but I hate it. 'Madness' is too glamorous a term to convey what happens to most people who are losing their minds. That word is too exciting, too literary, too interesting in its connotations, to convey the boredom, the slowness, the dreariness, the dampness of depression.

Young Mind, Pure Heart

Escapade by Ms. Jackson (if you're nasty.)

I always loved this song. It represented happiness, love, fun, family adventure, and sequins. Of course, I didn't find out until years later (college. seriously.) that I had misunderstood the lyrics. Oh, sorrow!

Come on baby let's get away
Let's save your troubles for another day
Come go with me we've got it made
Let me take you TO THE ICE CAPADES (let's go)

ICE CA-PADES we'll have a good time
ICE CA-PADES leave your worries behind
ICE CA-PADES you can be mine
ICE CA-PADES an ICE CAPADE

You down with OCD? Yeah. You know me.

I can't sleep. But really, how can anyone sleep when there are things to be organized.

Alphabetically, reverse alphabetically, by color, by size, by shape, by purpose, by frequency of use, by season, by how you acquired said important things, by genre, by feeling said objects evoke, chronologically, reverse chronologically, stacked biggest to smallest, tallest to shortest, fattest to skinniest, by ability to grab treasure should there be a fire, by what the kitties should and should not destroy... GAH!

And then there is the pile of stuff I have to lug around with me for eternity because my Mom got it for me and getting rid of it, even to a loving home, somehow reflects my lack of love for her, makes me ungracious, and would ultimately lead to my failure as a daughter.

Tonight I am thankful to be a poor artist in NYC with a small apartment. Any bigger, and somebody is gonna have to call A&E, cause I am hoarding this whoreson out!