Elliot

In my lily white world, I have been to lots of funerals. Grandparents die, cancer kills people, even friends in high school died in car wrecks or, sadly, suicide. This week, I learned that sometimes people die in horrible, tragic, stupid, violent ways. Ways that are preventable and unnecessary. It is one thing to hear it on the news, but another when you know the person. When the person is more or less a part of your family.

People fight... because they feel wronged, or have something to prove, or had too much to drink, or felt like someone looked at them the wrong way... and are proud of it. Encouraging, even. And if they get hurt, or killed, in the brawl, it's somehow poetic justice.

I do not like this mentality. I do not understand this mentality. I do not like violence in any situation. It's the stuff of movies to me. I find it foreign, unbelievably sad, beyond stupid, and selfish. It makes me feel nauseous, faint, nervous, angry, and helpless.

That being said, what is enough to keep me in a world where this is a part of my reality? Love? What is enough to get someone to leave the only reality they have ever known? Love? I don't know. I am in a new surreal situation with no idea how to cope. Or how to comfort people I care about at such a volatile high emotional state.

My Sweetheart's family lost a son, brother, nephew, cousin, friend, and boyfriend to a horrible act of violence. The pain is unbearable. They have suffered tragic violent losses before, I have not. I never want to again. I don't understand it. They know stabbings and gunshots. I know trust funds and blogs. I am lost. I feel very sheltered and scared.

Elliot, my time knowing you was too short. You were funny, charming, handsome, and full of potential. I wish I could tell you that. I hope someone did. I hope you weren't too scared. I hope you didn't suffer. I hope you weren't alone. I hope you knew how much you were loved. Mostly, I hope you give others the courage to walk away. No fight is worth your life. I believe you would agree.

Rest in Peace.